grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I am spending my child support on dildos
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
