need another drink. this is the easiest way
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
she told me i tasted like america
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Randomize
