I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
