batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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