so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
