Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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