I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
