You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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