Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
