They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
