My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
