Do you still have your period?
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
only you would photoshop your dick
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
