Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Randomize
