Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
