there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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