It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize