The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
