Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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