A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
It's official drugs can't kill me
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
