My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
