the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
But break dance skills will only take you so far
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
