you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Randomize
