Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I have feelings that need drinking.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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