my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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