Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
