Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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