He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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