Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
