I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Randomize
