I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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