She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
