i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
so let's talk penis.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
