her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
