im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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