Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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