It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
i've created a new STD.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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