69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
