He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
