last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
