So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
