apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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