Can i not drive my cunt home
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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