Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
