god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
