She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
