He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
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