I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
