she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Dignity is for republicans.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
