I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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