my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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