i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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