I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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