I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Randomize
