Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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