I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
