he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
