shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
