to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Randomize
