Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
