suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You're like the curious george of whores
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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