It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Randomize
