Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
