No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
