Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
