I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
