Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
