I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
