Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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