Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
