bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
