Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
